when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize