Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
