Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
