if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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