My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
