do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
