It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
