i may or may not be watching the land before time
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
