I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
