There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
