So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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