Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
