I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I touched a dick in church today
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
