ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
