he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
