highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
