Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
