im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
