I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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