awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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