Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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