smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
