do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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