Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
