Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
