You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
