He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
