Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
