you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
