Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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