did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
