You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
