It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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