Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
