Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
