shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize