I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
