hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
