I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
