i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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