My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
