I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Buhtt sex?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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