Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
