I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
