Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
