so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
So many bounce houses so little time
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
