You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize