There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
