Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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