I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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