OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
