The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
