everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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