And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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