did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
