I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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