Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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