i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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