he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
