Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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