Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
