If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
