Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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