If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
