Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
