I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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