I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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